he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
