I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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