her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
