I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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