what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
