If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
