Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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