Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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