I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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