So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
