paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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