And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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