on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
organizing the empties. That sober.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
