Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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