On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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