my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
