At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
