there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
