We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
