turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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