How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
