He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
