Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
