Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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