dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
