i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
