I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
my poor anus
Randomize
