Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
