i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
