i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
