Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
