You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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