TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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