When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
