Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
