I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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