I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
