Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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