drinking out of a sandbucket again
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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