im drinking this country out of the recession.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
