dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
