I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We need to rekindle our bromance
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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