East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize