dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
