I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
