so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
