You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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