i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
