The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
