her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
