I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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