ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
