He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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