I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
