oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
